A few months ago I wrote a post about how becoming a working mom made me a better professional (read it here), where I opened up about some of the fears I had while expecting about how my work life would change, and the ways that I realized it actually made me a better professional.
Of course, this doesn’t just easily or naturally happen all the time.
So this post is all about what I feel has been key in achieving this:
- Having an equal partner – Whether this is a spouse, family member, close friend, nanny…whatever – you’ve got to have a partner in this working mom stuff. It’s just plain not possible to split yourself into pieces and be multiple places at once. Personally, I don’t know how I would do it without my amazing husband. He also has a career he’s very invested in, but he is every bit of a present parent as I am. I am more of the planner/coordinator (that’s just how we’ve always functioned as a couple, so no surprise), but we absolutely share equally in the day-to-day responsibilities. He generally takes care of Hudson in the morning (changing and feeding) and does daycare drop-off in the morning and I do pick-up and bedtime. We tend to split time when Hudson is sick and has to stay home. The breakdown isn’t what matters, it’s about finding what works best for you. I know not everyone has a spouse to fully share everything with like this, and all the single working moms out there are the true heroes!
- A supportive work environment (especially direct leader) – No matter how hard you try to have plans and back-up plans for your plans, things are just going to come up from time to time. Sometimes they’ll be unexpected, and sometimes they’ll be scheduled things that aren’t dire emergencies, but things you still want to be present for. Like the “welcome to daycare/beginning of the year/meet all the other parents” lunch that is inevitably scheduled in the middle of the work day – come on, don’t they realize the reason your kid is in full-time daycare is because you’re at work during the day??? So having a work environment that understands that you are a committed and wonderful employee, but you also need to be a committed and wonderful mom, is critical. I know not all jobs are conducive to having flexibility with schedule and location, but I’m honestly just not sure how you make it work without some wiggle room. Especially when you’ve got a newborn. Having adequate maternity leave to allow you that time to adjust to being a new mom, or a new mom again, is so important to being in a good emotional and mental state when you do return to work. I was very fortunate to have some grace from my boss when I came back to work, as he allowed me to transition back to full-time hours in the office over the course of a month (week 1: 1 day in the office and 4 days from home, week 2: 2 days in the office and 3 days from home, etc.). I 100% attribute this “easing back in” approach to me having a successful and low-stress transition back to the working world.
- Good/reliable childcare – Oh childcare, the bane of almost every working mom’s existence. I’m actually planning on a full post about childcare and pros and cons of different options soon, as we just recently made a switch from full-time daycare at a center to a nanny share. The reason for the switch is because we realized that we didn’t have what I’m saying is a necessity here: good and reliable childcare. Of course the first priority is that you should never have to worry about whether your baby is well taken care of and loved while you’re away. I never worried about this, and can’t imagine even attempting to function if you were worried about this. Also important is that you have reliable childcare. If you are consistently having to miss work because your child does not have childcare for any number of reasons (illness, closure, unreliable nanny, etc.), it will wreak havoc on your ability to be present and productive at work. Unfortunately, this usually comes with a substantial cost, but chalk it up to the cost of having a kid. At least it is a fairly short season of life until they are in school.
- Back-up plan – As mentioned above, stuff will come up that prevents your child from being in their normal childcare arrangement. Regardless of how good and reliable your childcare is, nothing is perfect. Kids get sick sometimes Caregivers get sick sometimes. It is just bound to happen. And it will inevitably happen when you have a jam-packed day or a really important presentation. We still have to work on this. We don’t have family locally we can rely on to help. Most of our close friends work, and the one or two that don’t are home with their young kids, so if the issue that comes up is illness related, of course they can’t help with that without exposing their own kid (so not an option). Our recent change in childcare will hopefully result in less of these issues coming up, but I know they still will from time to time, so we need to work on a better back-up plan for when they do so that it doesn’t cause mass chaos. Many companies offer an optional benefit for back-up childcare, which can be an option. A small group of “back-up sitters” might work as well, although you can never be certain that one of them will be available on short notice. Nurses or college students can be great options for this since they usually don’t have traditional M-F business hour obligations.
- Work that you’re passionate and excited about – I’m a lot more critical of what I spend my time away from home on now. That is precious time that I am away from my sweet babe, so you better believe I’m trying to maximize the amount I get done during that time away from him and make sure it’s spent doing something I really enjoy and find worthwhile. If it’s not, I’m a lot more likely to be miserable missing my baby. So the content of the work matters more now. It’s not just a job.
- Self care – This is for sure the most neglected of all of these for working moms. Trust me, I get it. It’s so hard to find time to fit everything in, and this is usually at the end of the list. But it is so important to prevent burnout and keep you mentally and emotionally sharp so that you can be the best version of you for yourself, your family and your job! Figure out whatever it is that recharges you (working out, quiet time to read at a coffee shop, getting your nails done, having a glass of wine with a friend, etc.) and make sure you schedule in time for it. It’s not likely to be every week, but know yourself and know what you need to keep you sane – maybe it’s once or twice a month. Work with your partner or support system to make sure you can get that “me” time.
These are the pieces of the puzzle that I’ve found to be critical to support me being able to be the best working mom I can be. What are yours?
Xo,
Shannon
